Skip to content
Jan 1 / dbartolus

2015

 

How do I grieve the loss of my husband and best friend? I put one foot in front of the other and allow the people in my life help me walk through the pain.  I say yes when they ask me to coffee, even though I would rather stay home and sleep.

The first few weeks were so unbearable I did not think I as ever going to smile again, but six months after his death, I have started to feel like I may be able to smile and mean it.

My friends have been supporting me through every painful step and I am beginning to make new friends along the way.

I haven’t been running like I used to because it is lonely out there, churning out mile after mile.  Now I am dancing and have met some great people in the Salsa community.

As I begin to rebuild my life in 2015, some unexpected feelings have come up for me.  I am confused about my feelings toward a new person in my life.  I am not ready for a committed relationship and I do not want to be in love, but this person is making me feel again.

This morning has been difficult as I grieve the loss of my husband and miss the new man I have been spending so much time with.  I guess grieving is messy and cannot fit inside of a tidy little box.  I want to stick my feelings into sensible categories so I can manage them, but it just doesn’t work like that.

For 2015, I will continue to say yes to my friends and will keep making new friends. I will dance more that I will run, and I will let my messy feelings out.

Leave a comment